Why Not Self-Compassion?

What is there to be gained from treating ourselves badly and believing that we "should" be better? Yes, of course it is good to be aware of our behaviors in order to choose differently, but once a moment has passed by does it help to beat ourselves over the head? Bringing kindness to our suffering and painful feelings/thoughts will allow us to more easily adjust those behaviors that we feel guilty about. Dumping more painful feelings on top of already feeling lousy will only lead to feeling worse and more ineffective behavior choices that will likely cause further harm to ourselves and others.

We can meet our completely human misgivings with kindness and understanding and stop the chain reaction of self-destruction. Self-compassion is treating ourselves the way we would treat a dear friend. This includes our inner dialogue. If we listen to our thoughts about ourselves that sometimes even come out of our mouths when we belittle ourselves outload saying things like "Stupid" we can quickly realize that we would not speak to anyone else in that manner nor would we want to be spoken to in that way by another.

Here is the surprisingly challenging piece that comes into play here. Not punishing ourselves further when we notice our negative thoughts and words towards ourselves. If we make ourselves feel bad about feeling bad we are in a vicious cycle that lacks little hope of change. Bringing self-compassion into the equation allows us to notice that we are treating ourselves badly and respond kindly. We can rewire our brains creating new neural pathways. Repeatedly and purposefully responding with kindness whenever possible will lead to a shift of our natural reactions and responses. I challenge you to stop and bring awareness to your self-talk at least one time today and see what happens when you meet yourself with kindness. Much love.