The Great Unknown

I've had a few eventful years since my last post; full of sorrows and joys. Life as I've known it has been completely turned on its ear and while much of it was devastating and terrifying it has also been exhilarating and liberating. After my mother's passing I experienced a shift that changed the way I was willing to particpate with the world around me. I took stock of my life and what no longer served me and I was compelled to change the things that I found unacceptable. If I'm honest with myself they hadn't been acceptable for many years, but fear and the comfort of familiar pain kept me locked in place afraid to buck the status qou. When confronted with death, particularly one such as a parent's who we can't help but think of as invinceable at times, it can really put things into perspective for us. Things like the limited time we have in this life and how precious it is. Confronted with this reality I could no longer shove down the hurt that keeping certain people in my life brought or how I felt imprisoned in a life that I fell into and didn't even get to fully choose for myself.

A life that was a security blanket that changed into a blanket that had been drug threw a marsh and weighed down by other people's opionion and demands about who I should be and how I should live my life. I felt like I owed people the right to hold sway over me since they had been helpful in buying a house where I raised my kids but I never owned. A house that I felt trapped in becuase leaving terrified me. How on Earth would I ever be able to afford to pay rent or a mortgage and pay all the bills as a single mother when I couldn't cover the bills in a rent free house? And if I left that rent free house and failed, would I end up homeless on the street? These were my very real concerns and the exact reason I stayed in an unhealthy situation for so long in a town I hadn't wanted to live in for as long as I could remember. The pain of losing my mother and the aftermath of ugliness from unhealthy family dynamics was my springboard into the great unknown.

I was completely correct in questioning my ability to pay rent or a mortgage along with all the other bills as a single mother and my research before turning my life upside down confirmed those fears. The Universe or God or whatever you choose to call it divinely inspired what was to come next. I did not have a dream to one day fulltime RV and travel, but the inspiration was placed in my heart seemingly from out of no where and I could not give you any tangable place that the idea came from even if I think really hard about it. We set out on our magical journey over a year ago and are still going strong. I did a ton of research and watched a bazillion YouTube videos in order to figure out if I could even do all of this stuff and I purchased an awesome used truck and RV that I am very proud of and they are all mine. I own them out right and no longer feel indebted to anyone or as if I owe them something. Well, accept for my children who I take into consideration of course.

I cannot adequately describe how hard it was physically, spiritually, and emotionally to make this transition. Many things worth having are going to take blood, sweat, and tears worth of work to acheive. I had to go through a lifetime of memories and house full of stuff that accumullated. I paired down so that we only kept what could fit in the RV and left a few small boxes of pictures and my kids art work, etc.. with an adult child. I had to rehome all but one of our pets, which was one of the most painful but right decisions I made along the way. I worked tirelessly at this for months on end and by the time we pulled out of the driveway for the last time I was beat. It only took a few weeks for me to end up with one of my worst ever Crohn's Disease flares that lasted for months. Getting healthcare on the road ecspecially when you cross state lines is a whole different topic that I cannot get into right now. I have strong feelings about the inadequacey of our health care system and if I went into all of this we would be getting into how messed up insurance companies are and the fact that we allow them to run our healthcare system is corrupt, I digress.

There is a strong correlation between stress, trauma, and autoimmune diseases such as the one I have and I was getting a triple whammy of physical, spiritual, and emotional triggers during all of this change. It's strange looking back on it now that it has been a while. I have my health today. My grief has gotten to the stage where the waters are fairly calm with just the occasional wave hitting when I least expect it. I am thoroughly enjoying my life of traveling and just arrived in Florida for the next four months or so of moving form spot to spot all along the coast. I am spending 19 days in The Keys this December as a 40th birthday present to myself. Something to mark the occasion. Technically my birthday isn't until January but who wants to deal with how hard it is to get a reservation down there in January? I've also figured out what I like and how to do things better since I've had some practice in this lifestyle now. I live a life that I never even dreamed of and one that far exceeded my expectations. My life vastly improved in a short amount of time and I am really enjoying the fruits of my labors currently.

At some point I'm going to have to start putting effort into my career again and develop and client base. I have given myself quite a bit of time to not work while figuring out how to do all of this, to grieve my losses, and to find joy. I'm grateful that I have had this time to take care of myself as I think it sped up the healing process for me. I have not done any coaching since losing my mother and moving out of the home I raised my children in for over 20 years. Nor have I taught any yoga and I cannot remember how long it has been since I have preformed Reiki on another human being. I practice on myself all the time of course. I'm not sure how I would have made it through any of this without my ASMR and Reiki Youtube video fixes on the daily. An in person day at the spa sounds like a great birthday present to myself!

I hope this little blog entry will be the first of many and help to create some momentum in this area of wellness for myself. Maybe you can pull some inspiration from my experience and sharing to make a change in your own life that you've been putting off. You deserve it!