The Surprising Simplicity of The 5 Love Languages

So, for some reason I finally picked up a copy of The 5 Love Languages after hearing about it forever. I read it cover to cover in one sitting and was amazed at the insight it had to offer in a very straightforward manner. Using real couples as examples, the author offers very tangible ways to improve relationships. It's been a while since I found myself unable to put down a book before finishing the whole thing. It's important to mention that I am a single woman and found this ingormation pertinent to all kinds of relationships. In fact, there are versions of the book for singles and for children, to name a few. The very simple teachings translate through all relationships and I would bet just about anyone could benefit from them.

I learned that my Love Language is Quality Time. When I take this into consideration and the fact that not everyone has the same love language it makes me curious how much pain I could have avoided over the years by learning not to take certain things personal. I've had these crazy ideas about what people should do and not do when they care for you. When I read this book it helped me see things more clearly about the differences between people and how they show their affection, not to mention what 'fills their love tank' as the author describes. I found myself reflecting on the ways I have fallen short in past and current relationships by not hearing what the other person was really asking for when he or she made complaints or explained hurt feelings. The book also had cleared up why certain things cause me so much pain and make me feel like the other is withholding love from me. And then through the examples of the various couples, I could understand how the way I have gone about trying to get the love I want was communicated in ways that were unfruitful and many times flat out mean.

It became clear that often times a lack of love is not the root cause of the endings of relationships, but rather poor communication skills stemmed from a lack of knowledge about the love language of ourselves and the other party and how to communicate in each others' love languages. I could envision my own patterned disagreements with various relationships and see what the other person really needed and what I needed in hindsight while devouring the pages. The simplicity of the whole thing is what blows my mind the most, but I would never have thought of this on my own and how could of I? Not taking things personally and learning how to communicate our needs in a way that is understandle as well as giving love to others in a way that is valuable to them gives me hope for future relationships in all arenas of my life. I can stop expecting other people to be mind readers knowing that they very well may speak a totatlly different love langauge than my own. My feelings can get a break from this understanding as well.

The 5 Love languages are as follows:

Quality Time

Physical Touch

Acts of Service

Words of Affirmation

Receiving Gifts

You can find the quiz online or in the back of one of the books.

As I mentioned above my love langauge is quality time. I find spending one on one time with another while we give each other our undivided attention to be incredibly valuable. It fills up my love tank. To many people this may not be all that important in filling up theirs. For me it makes me feel secure in the relationship and my importance in the other person's life. When people seem distracted, end conversations abruptly, cancel plans last minute, or don't feel up for company I have often felt slighted in the past. I'm not saying from this moment forward I will never feel this way again, but as long as I am able to stop and remember a) that other people have lives of their own and b) this may not be their natural love language and could very well not be a reflection of their feelings about me, I stand a chance at being able to regulate my emotions better and find ways to communicate the significance of spending time together with the other.

I could continue on talking about the other love languages, but you can buy a copy for yourself or even listen to an audiobook on YouTube, I believe. I just felt inspired to share a little something that I recently picked up myself.